OPINION — The presidential election is finally done, and the results should be announced sometime between now and Armageddon, assuming Nevada and Alaska can eventually find someone capable of counting their 17 collective ballots.
The Arctic Ocean is dying. That may sound somewhat melodramatic, but there you go. I don’t make up the facts (not always, anyway), I just report them. And the fact is the Arctic Ocean is about to go belly up. There’s really not anything we can do about it, I just thought you should know. Being as how we’re all going to die, and stuff.
OPINION — Alert readers often send me current news items, probably hoping I’ll mention them in my column and they’ll become famous, appearing on television and in movies. Just so you know, that seldom happens. Actually, that never happens. But that’s OK, because I reply to every third reader who sends me stuff, and I mail them a nice Thank You note, along with a huge bag of cash. If you sent me a news item and didn’t get such a package, you were one of the other two.
OPINION — People cope with stress in various ways, and the past several months have been pretty stressful, what with all the riots going on, and the presidential campaigning, and Amy Coney Barrett’s SCOTUS confirmation hearings, and my missing sock, and some random guy flying around near the Los Angeles airport in a jetpack. He’s back, by the way. The pilots of a commercial jet saw him last week, about 6,000 feet up. Or maybe now there are two of them, which would be great, especially if they get into a dogfight. Kind of a real-life Iron Man thing. I’d buy a ticket.