Women's Wednesday: Oilfield Wives

Last week we discussed blended families and the struggles that step parents and children both face. Here is a comment from one of the readers regarding last week’s story and the week before:

One person wrote, “I am Allison's grandmother, Jane. I love that young lady so much. She has been doing so well. Her dad is my son. He was raised from 3 1/2 years old on by my second husband. We never said stepparents or half sister or brother about our family or his father's family. In junior high someone decided to explain steps and half siblings and he came home so upset. Why can't people mind their own business? About that time Wayne had an assignment in school to write about the person in his life he most admired. Much to my surprise, it was his step father. My husband was amazed and still has the paper. They remain very close to this day. We've been married 42 years. His dad and I are friends now. Not so for many years. I always tried to keep Wayne out of the middle. Different views on child raising caused conflicts, but at our home we never talked about conflicts in front of Wayne. My point in this is both parents have to work together. If this is absent, it fails for the children. You cannot teach alienation to your children about their other set of parents; it harms the children, and isn't the children what it's all about? Allison's most staunch supporter is her dad. He is always there for her, and this grandchild will be blessed with all the people that will love her. I like what the young lady said about loving her step dad now. At some point, you have to let go of your hurt to move on. It takes a lot of energy to hold a grudge. She sounded like a sweet girl. I know there are some truly mean people out there but I think for the most part, people want their children to have a happy life. I hope all these young people find peace and success in their life.”

Last week’s article can be found here , along with the link to Allison’s story.

Today, we are going to talk about oilfield wives. Even with the oilfield dwindling down the way it is, those who are lucky enough to still have their jobs, still have wives and families at home.

I am very lucky that my husband now has a Monday through Friday, 8 to 5 job, and has for over a year. However, it was not always so easy.

At one point, he worked for a local oilfield company that had him working up to 16 hours a day, always kept him on call, sent him out of town randomly and without warning, and really didn’t even pay him enough for it to be worth our time. It did cause problems, and I cannot express how happy I was the day he had finally decided that he had had enough of the job.

I do commend the wives who can put up with this type of life. They are some of the strongest ladies out there. It does take a special person to handle the oilfield life and we are going to hear from two of them.

“When my husband first started in the oilfield 13 years ago, he actually worked in Sonora. Although the hours were tough and he was gone a lot, I still saw him every night,” oilfield wife Brenda Rodriguez stated. “In 2008 when the economic crisis hit, it changed everything.”

Brenda’s husband was sent to Eagle Pass where he spent a year living away from the family. She also explained that her husband was not keen on technology and did not have a cell phone.

“It took a toll on us unfortunately,” she said. “We almost got divorced because of it, and because of the stress of the financial crisis. Our daughter got pregnant at 16. We were just dealing with a lot of stuff.”

Brenda explained that they had just bought a house and new truck, leaving her husband no choice but to continue with his oilfield job. She had just graduated from college with her Master’s degree, but unable to find a job as she was deemed “overqualified.”

“In places like San Angelo where income is lower, we do choose the oilfield,” she explained. “For people like my husband who have a high school education, not a college degree, and has worked manual labor his whole life, the only way he can make a decent living and not have to work two or three jobs is through the oilfield.”

She added, “I think what has helped us survive this entire time is that we have three grandchildren now, and we are helping financially raise these children, and because of that, I think that has helped us get through all of the stuff. We see these three little children and we want them to have a good life.”

Her husband has since gotten a cell phone, which has helped improve things. She explained that they use FaceTime every day and text throughout the day as well, so they do not feel completely separated.

Brenda also noted that oilfield wives need to have patience and understanding; and also to make time to spend with their spouse on days off,  and to never stop communicating.

Diane Vaughn has also adapted to the life of an oilfield wife, as her husband is gone Monday through Friday and remains on call every other weekend.

“When it comes to the kids, it is all me,” she stated. “That is why I don’t work and he works, so that way I can get them to school and pick them up at different times; because both of the kids do different things in school, and sometimes they have to stay late on different days, I really have to be flexible.”

Diane said that is a “bittersweet” situation with her husband being gone all of the time due to missing out on all of the kids activities; however, they all understand that he is trying to do what is best for the family.

“He wants to be with the family more, but he is the breadwinner,” she noted. “The kids understand that if they want to be able to do all of the things that they do, that he has to work.”

Diane also added that patience is definitely the key to making the oilfield life work.

“You have to keep in mind that he is doing it for a reason, and you really need to make sure the kids understand why their dad is gone all of the time. It seems to be beneficial when they understand what it all comes down to,” she said.

Not having her husband home to handle the things that most husbands take care of, like the car breaking down, or the yard work, is what has frustrated Diane the most in the past. She said, “You want to be able to rely on them, but you have to figure it out yourself and have a backup plan. It can also be frustrating because you have some oilfield husbands [who] don’t want to be around their wives, [and] they use the oilfield as an escape. Then you have the ones [who] are doing it for their family and they love their kids; they like to be with their wives. Sometimes, it is hard for the ones who are like that, like my husband, because the others do not understand why he wants to get home. I wish they would understand that some men actually do want to be home with their families. They don’t want to sit around and waste time.”

If you are an oilfield wife, how can you relate to these ladies’ stories? How has the oilfield taken a toll on your family and what advice can you give to other wives who may be struggling?

As always, questions, comments, or suggestions may be sent to [email protected].