Living "Gay," Or Rather, "Happy" in San Angelo

Catherine Taylor, 43, and her new wife, Becky Martin, 50, lead a quiet but busy life. Catherine, also known as Cat to those who know her, works full-time as an IT Systems Analyst, and when she’s not working, she’s studying or writing papers for grad school classes. She hopes to graduate next year with a master’s degree in Organizational and Human Resource Development with a graduate certificate in Conflict Resolution. When Cat’s not working, studying, or writing papers, she’s helping people with prayer devotionals either in person, or through her newly published book, Yo, God, Whaddup?”: I Come To You In Prayer.

“The book is a spiritual guide that helps people find the prayer life that’s right for them,” Cat said.

While Cat’s working hard being a super multi-tasker, Becky, who also works full-time as a Registration Clerk, makes sure to keep the couple’s 12-year-old German Shepherd, Suesse (pronounced zu-ssa), 8-year-old Dachshund, Moxie, and 4-year-old Tortie cat, Yoda, quiet. She also cooks dinner, mows the lawn and provides Cat with what she needs so she can stay focused.

“I really don’t know what I would do without her support,” Cat said.

Cat and Becky were married on July 11. They were the first couple to receive a same-sex marriage license in Tom Green County after the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 in support of legalizing lesbian and gay marriages. They also landed in the limelight after the local newspaper wrote a story about the couple obtaining the license, which wasn’t what they expected because the interview didn’t coincide with the story told in the paper.

For the couple, however, it’s not about the license, or about glorifying “gay” marriage. For them, it’s about the support they have received from the San Angelo community and the people at Unity Church of Christianity. Not to mention, since the article came out, people who may not have been so open to discussing the topic are now asking questions.

“I feel that [our marriage] has started a conversation that wasn’t allowed before,” Becky said. She said since their wedding, people who were reserved or wouldn’t engage in relationship discourse now ask questions about how life is being married, the difficulty of determining name changes and other things married people talk about.

Cat and Becky feel the ruling overall, the issuance of the marriage license in Tom Green County and the conversations now taking place “equate to acceptance.”

Hence, this is the reason they are living “gay,” or rather “happy” in a place that some people consider conservative and unaccepting. Now, that doesn’t mean everyone is on board with the Supreme Court ruling, and that’s okay. They simply feel sharing their story can dispel some of the stereotypes associated with the topic of lesbian and gay marriage, rejoice in the support they have received from San Angelo and their place of worship, Unity Church of Christianity in San Angelo, and hopefully, help those people who struggle with themselves to know it’s not always people’s judgments that affect them, but rather their interpretations of those judgments.

The Misconceptions

Some people believe that gay and lesbian couples do not sustain long relationships, and the fight for marriage equality is a political stunt.

For Cat and Becky, that’s not the case.

“For me, it’s a sense of security in our relationship that didn’t exist before,” Cat said. “All I want at the end of the day is if something were to happen to Becky, I can walk into the hospital and hold her hand, and make medical decisions if that’s what’s required. That’s what I want.”

For Becky, marriage is about the support system.

“We both have changed, but for the better. I have a support system now. We had that before, but now it’s more permanent,” she said.

Additionally, the couple felt the day-to-day necessities, including health insurance, family bereavement, tax benefits and the other things legally married people enjoy, important.

“We could have hired an attorney to oversee some of these things, but that would have been pretty costly,” Becky said.

As for longevity, the couple has shared a monogamous relationship for over 12 years, so nothing has changed in their day-to-day lives. However, like every married couple, the concept of being married takes some getting used to.

“It’s not like I wake up and say ‘I’m married,’ but [rather] it hits me spontaneously. I’ll be driving and it will hit me, ‘Wow! I’m married.’ It wasn’t a vision I had for my own life because it was unacceptable, so I never had that dream. To be in this position—to be legally married, I have to say is a bizarre concept.”

The couple had also been planning to marry before the Supreme Court ruling.

“For years, Cat would ask me if I would marry her, and we even talked about going to a state that would legally allow for us to, but we thought, ‘Why do so when our own state wouldn’t recognize it?’” Becky noted.

Thus, the couple had planned a small ceremony that would include the exchange of vows. They never expected they would be able to take “the plunge” like any other couple.

“It was like wow! Now I really am going to get married,” Cat said.

Overall, the couple don’t see their marriage as political. They live a quiet life, and they said age definitely plays a role in how the gay and lesbian community present themselves, which brings up another misconception.

“You won’t see me wearing “rainbow-colored” shirts, forgive my stereotype,” Cat said. “You also won’t see me holding Becky’s hand or with my arm around her. You might catch us glance at each other in a loving way, but beyond that, you’re not going to see anything else.”

The reason people won’t is simple; the couple believes in respecting others. Whether someone claims to be heterosexual or homosexual, the couple feels people should have respect in public places.

Becky, who grew up in San Angelo, said during her time, people lived in a “bubble” here in San Angelo, and being lesbian was taboo. No one talked about it, and she kept to herself.

“It was like don’t ask, don’t tell. We didn’t talk about it, so they didn’t talk about it,” she said.

Cat, however, grew up a little differently. She comes from Austin, a liberal city that embraces diversity, so when she came out in her younger days, she took on a more vocal approach, but not to the point where she made her lifestyle about politics.

“I was a little more vocal in my day, but I don’t need the acceptance of others to define me,” Cat said.

That doesn’t mean, however, that the couple doesn’t appreciate the new generation and how its members are changing things.

“Kids today are not consumed by topics that relate to gender and sexuality,” Cat said. “These kids are already out. They’re walking and holding hands at the mall, and I see that as part of their culture coming up. For me, that’s refreshing to see because we have bigger struggles in life; we have bigger obstacles that need to be addressed and faced; we have bigger challenges and more important issues at hand than who we love on a personal level.”

Of course, Cat said it would be ideal if everyone loved one another regardless of race, social class, gender, and sexuality.

“To love one another unconditionally would make us a more successful and progressive society, but that’s not how things work,” she said.

Because that’s not the way things work, Cat and Becky remain somewhat reserved and quiet about the debate of sexuality; however, they do celebrate silently that “times are changing.”

Growing in Love and Support and Flourishing with Faith

Another misconception Cat and Becky feel affects people in San Angelo is the idea that the lesbian and gay community lacks support. Some individuals believe that gay and lesbian people suffer from severe adversity, and they can’t find love at church because they are “sinners” in the eyes of God.

“I wish I could say we’ve experienced so much adversity, but that’s just not the case” Cat said.

She noted that although that’s the case, they have experienced some passive aggressive issues with certain individuals within the workplace, but even that has changed today.

“I think San Angelo as a whole is conservative, but our experience has been one of overwhelming support,” Cat said.

Becky also stated that the same people they felt judged them, now look at them in a different way and ask questions they wouldn’t normally ask—questions about married life. Not to mention, many people they don’t know will share their stories of challenges they face. Becky also thinks it’s amazing when something is said negatively about them, people will “just pounce back with something positive.”

“I think communication is really opening up. San Angelo can get bad raps at times, but being from here, I’m really proud of San Angelo,” she proclaimed.

Of course, there are those people who still don’t accept the couple for their sexuality, but again, that’s where they get stuck in misconception. Cat and Becky said sexuality does not define them or their love.

In fact, when Becky came out to her sister, they both cried. Becky asked her if her response was based on what she saw on television and if the first thing she thought of was “sex.”

“When she said nothing, I knew,” Becky recalled. “When I explained that it’s the feelings we have for each other; it’s the holding of each other’s hair, or cooking dinner together; it’s the connection that comes with just loving someone, she understood.”

Today, Becky’s sister is her biggest advocate, and both families have easily embraced the couple and provide them an amazing support system. They don’t see them as “different.”

“Overall, I can’t tell you how our life is different from anyone else’s. We have dreams. We have ambitions. We laugh. We cry. We pay our bills. We own a home. We pay our taxes,” Cat said.

The couple also talk of fostering children, after Cat finishes grad school of course; and, they bask in their relationship with God and Church.

About six or seven years ago, the couple started attending Unity Church, which some people reprimand for being a “gay and lesbian” entity.

This isn’t the case. In fact, approximately 10 percent of the population is gay and lesbian.

“Unity Church of Christianity is a place of positive, practical Christianity,” reads a message on the church’s website. “We believe that all people are created with sacred worth. It is imperative that our ministries and outreaches be free of discrimination on the basis of race, color, gender, age, creed, religion, national origin, ethnicity, physical disability, or sexual orientation. Our sincere desire is to ensure that all Unity organizations are nondiscriminatory and support diversity.”

According to the website, Unity was founded in 1889 by Charles and Myrtle Fillmore in Kansas City, Missouri, which is now the headquarters for the worldwide church.

For Cat and Becky, Unity has held true to this mission statement.

“That community has been extremely supportive, opening and accepting of all members in the community,” Cat said.

Cat also said that it’s at the church where she flourished and found peace in who she is. She equated her experience with that of a plant. A person who waters and talks to the plant, and places it in the right amount of sunlight, helps it grow. That’s what the church has done for her.

“It’s about unconditional love there,” Cat said. “When you’re in an environment like that, a place where the people see you as a person, and they love you completely for who you are with all of your faults and all of your flaws, and any mistakes you make along the way; and they look at you and say, ‘I still love you, and you’re still perfect in God’s eyes. You’re still a beautiful person.’ It’s difficult to not grow.”

Becky, on the other hand, doesn’t believe in organized religion because she feels all religions provide something beautiful to the world. She said she’s more spiritual. Thus, when she spoke truthfully about this with church members, they didn’t care. They accepted her with no questions asked.

“They totally supported me when I said that. [At Unity], you see the love with these people. They open up themselves to you and allow you to open up to them, and they just wrap you up and embrace you,” the San Angelo native said.

Because of their support and acceptance, the couple wanted to give back.

Cat is an active Prayer Chaplin, and has been for the past five years. She has also served on the board for four years, held the office of secretary for three years, and was president for another.

“We have learned so much,” Cat said. “Now we don’t look at people for what they did wrong, but for what they do right.”

Becky said that Unity Church is indeed unique in its approach, but it’s not the only one in San Angelo who accepts all people.

“We just don’t hear about them enough,” she stated.

A Change For The Better

Since last month and the Supreme Court ruling, Cat and Becky have not only seen a change in the San Angelo community, but they have also seen a change in themselves.

“Of course, I think age plays a role in things,” Becky said. “But I can honestly say that I have had to take a step back and also look at my role in how people view me.”

Becky added that previously she judged people by the way she thought they were judging her; however, she had to take a step back and question whether people were really looking at her and judging her sexuality, or whether they were reacting to her sense of vulnerability.

“I felt like I was different through the years, so how of that image was I putting out there?” Becky asked.

Cat added, “You also think they may be responding to you because of your sexuality, but in reality they’re reacting to the wall that’s there.”

That’s a wall they no longer put up.

The couple said they do realize there are those people who do still judge them, and who will still function from a place of hate brought on by fear. That’s okay.

“I’m not here to change anyone’s view,” said Cat. “All I want is for this story to touch someone’s life, and hope that it helps [him or her] move forward with self acceptance or to accept someone in [his or her] life who is different.”