Keystone Knothead

 

OPINION — Regardless of whether you voted for Joe Biden, you have to admit no president, in the history of our country, has kept as many campaign promises as quickly after being sworn in to the office. He is, without question, a man of his word. Biden promised to devastate the American economy as soon as possible, and during his first three days he signed thirty (30) executive orders, which did just that. You gotta hand it to him. Seriously, I think one of the executive orders was that you gotta hand it to him.

I’m not going to attempt to list the actual level of economic destruction the Biden administration has wrought to date in its entirety, because that would require effort, to which I’m opposed. All I’m going to do is focus on the most important executive orders that affect the outdoors, plus the one that pushes for a federal law requiring a $15 per hour minimum wage for the kid that makes my burgers wrong at Sonic. If you’re going to send a country down the toilet, that right there is a really good start.

Biden’s EOs to rejoin the World Health Org. and the Paris climate accord are almost as bad, but those will take a while to ruin us, so I won’t even mention them. He also banned travel to the US from certain countries, after complaining for months that Trump banned travel to the US from certain countries, but that’s none of my business.

No, the two biggest orders Biden signed, on his first day in office, were the ones that stopped work on the border wall, and the one canceling the Keystone XL pipeline. Granted, some of the money saved from the border wall was used to build a wall around the White House, because Biden doesn’t like walls, but no other president has put more people out of work on his first day in the Oval Office. And so the legacy begins.

Estimates of how many people Joe unemployed on day one range from 30,000 to over 70,000, when you include the ancillary jobs associated with the wall and pipeline. Lieutenant Dan says that’s a lot of jobs. The thing that surprises me is that a lot of folks are happy about that. Perhaps an education is in order.

The Keystone XL pipeline, if completed, would have carried oil from western Canada to refineries and distribution centers in Illinois, Texas, and Oklahoma. Some don’t like that, and they think nixing the pipeline is a Good Thing. Those people have the IQ of guacamole.

Whether the pipeline is built or not, the oil will still be carried from Canada to the refineries and such. The only thing the pipeline would have done would have been to make it cheaper to get it there. Well, that and cause much less pollution in the process. Oh, and use far less fossil fuel, too.

See, most of that oil is transported by train, which costs $30 per barrel, and the trains run on fossil fuel. The rest is carried by truck, which costs even more, and uses even more fossil fuel. Transporting the same oil via the Keystone pipeline would cost $10 per barrel, and use far less fuel. What a dilemma for the environ-mentals. I guess they’d rather destroy the planet and create more pollution than admit they’re wrong.

Of course, the idea is that the pipeline would be a Bad Thing for the country it passes through. Actually, there are oil and gas pipelines all over the country right now, and most people don’t know they’re there until some knucklehead starts digging a ditch or posthole without calling first, and ends up with a geyser. The pipelines aren’t hurting anyone with enough sense to pour oil out of a boot, with the directions written on the heel.

So killing the pipeline causes more pollution, higher transport costs, and more trucks to be on the highways. But trucks are really what keeps the country operating. Literally everything, from your socks to your Yoo Hoo to your soap to your avocado dip, came to you via truck. So complaining about the trucks on social media is like cussing the farmer with your mouth full.

Ah, but you drive an electric car, so you’re not polluting the environment like the rest of us. Well, hold up there, Sunbeam. You might be surprised to learn that car was built using fossil fuels, transported using fossil fuels, and runs on fossil fuels. Most of the electricity America uses is generated by burning coal and natural gas. Wind and solar are still pretty much a joke.

But wouldn’t the pipeline leave a horrible scar on the land? Ah, yeah, for about six months. After that you won’t know it’s there until Knothead comes along with a backhoe or auger. On the other hand, the mines where they dig up the lithium to make the batteries for your Tesla devastate the country for years, and it never returns to normal.

Oh, and by the way, they dig up that lithium using machines that run on fossil fuel. You’re welcome.

So Biden basically put tens of thousands of people out of work in the process of destroying our economy, our environment, and our highways. But, hey, that was just his first day. I’m sure he’ll get better at his job.

The good news is that, according to John Kerry, the folks who lost their jobs on the pipeline can go to work building solar panels. And you thought there was no one in DC dumber than Biden . . .

Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist and minister who manages to hit his own water line every time he digs a hole. Write to him at [email protected]

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I have never seen anyone move with such speed to ruin a nation. I hope Dem voters are ruined first!

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