Confusion

OPINION — There’s a video going around that shows a little girl talking to her dad, while they watch her little brother playing in the snow. The girl tells her dad they should sell the boy to the pet store for $54, so she can use the money to buy a toy owl, and then go back to the store later, when they put her brother on sale, and buy him back for a dollar. She then tells her brother the plan, and assures him he shouldn’t worry, because they’ll buy him back. It’s a great video.

I think that little girl is writing a lot of today’s headlines.

For example, a recent Blaze headline said, ‘Transgender who identifies as a deer is now in charge of Twitch censorship: ‘I have power.’ Honestly, it’s getting harder and harder to tell the news sites from the satire sites. And honestly, it seems to matter less and less which is which.

When I saw the Blaze headline my first thought was, ‘Well, I wonder if this kid realizes hunting season is coming up.’ Which is probably a rude thing to think, but there you go. She, or he, whichever, likes to ‘prance around and eat grass.’ Maybe someone should tell him, or her, to stay out of the woods between October and January. I don’t know what Twitch is, so I’m vague on what the limits of this person’s power might be, but I’m thinking it doesn’t include bulletproofidity.

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Many people seem confused these days, not only about which gender they are, or what species they are, or what season it is, but about other stuff, too. A lot of folks are upset, but some seem unclear as to what they’re upset about. Antifa, for instance, claims to be opposed to fascism, but everything they promote is fascist. The Minneapolis city council decided to defund their police department a while back, but now that crime is on the rise, they’re wondering where their police officers are. It’s a puzzler, for sure.

A Canadian company called Lululemon, which sells high end workout and leisure clothes for women, recently urged its Instagram followers to ‘unveil historical erasure and resist capitalism.’ Funny, since the company is worth $40 billion, and the average price of its yoga pants is $128. It would seem their message is, ‘Don’t buy our stuff. We’re the bad guys.’ And maybe it is. You really never know these days. A lot of folks are apparently protesting themselves.

I have to admit I’m completely baffled as to what it means to ‘unveil historical erasure.’ Sounds like they’re saying history should be eradicated, but that can’t be right. The past can’t be rewritten, and Lululemon has been pretty busy during the immediate past, raking in the bucks with both hands. Do they want their profits erased? No idea.

But Lululemon has nothing on Louis Vuitton, when it comes to overpriced products. The French company will soon offer a designer face shield, the kind that Amazon sells for ten bucks, for $960. I guess it’s for people whose attitude is, ‘I want to avoid getting the rona, and I want to go broke doing it.’ For the record, there’s no such thing as a $960 face shield, but LV seems to believe there is such a thing as a $960 face shield buyer. And they’re probably right.

LV also sells a set of dumbbells that cost $3,600, and Chanel will let you have a water bottle that will set you back $8,000, but for the outdoorshuman with a lot of disposable cash lying around and very few brain cells, nothing tops the Hermes exxy fly fishing rod. It’s made from flax fiber strands, with a handle fashioned from sycamore and leather, with a few rooster feathers thrown in for good measure. It’s a marvel of French engineering, or something, and goes for only $13,790.

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Above: Hermes Rods

And if you’re going to fish with a rod that runs almost fourteen grand, you’ll need a creel to match. Hermes has you covered there, too. Their OTT wicker creel, which comes complete with a Swift calfskin lid and wooly strap, will set you back a mere $17,420. Total for the rod and creel comes to $31,210. Of course, the rod doesn’t come with a reel, but you can snag one of those at Bass Pro for about fifty bucks. No use being pretentious, right?

Confused yet? Well, you may be, but not as confused as Chelsea Clinton. The former first daughter deigned to give an interview on SiriusXM last week, in which she said she was a devout Christian. She went on to explain that, ‘As a deeply religious person, it’s very unchristian to suggest we have to believe in God, study his word, and allow those things to influence our opinions and positions on things like abortion.’ Well.

Hey, I get it. As a person who breathes, I think it’s ridiculous to believe in air. As Robin Williams once said, ‘Wow, reality, what a concept.’ Maybe he said that twice.

If you can be a Christian without believing in Christianity, I guess you can be whatever species you want, too. I have to admit, it’s getting harder every day for me to identify with some of the humans out there.