Women's Wednesday: Why the Work of Stay-at-Home Moms and Housewives is Often Discredited

A housewife is referred to as a married woman whose main occupation is to care for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework while an occupation is a job or profession.

Okay, let those two definitions sink in for a moment.

Women who work outside of the home tend to discredit housewives and stay-at-home moms; writing off their “work” as not really work at all. They are often referred to as "lazy" or possibly lacking professional skills.

For five years, I stayed at home. Uneducated was I? No, I had a degree. Lacking professional skills? Obviously, not. My husband and I decided that it served our lifestyle best for me not to have a job outside of the home for those particular years, and I cannot even begin to describe some of the negativity we received. Why though? Was it jealousy, resentment, or lack of understanding?

Stay-at-home mom of 13 years turned working Advanced Emergency Medical Technician and college student Cathy Fox explained, “Women are opinionated and we always want what we don't have. I enjoyed having both jobs; both are rewarding and exhausting. Being a stay-at-home mom is definitely a job. If the family can afford it and everybody is on board, I highly recommend to stay home for the first year or two.”

Amy Meaders has been the stay-at-home mom and has also been the main breadwinner for her family while her husband stayed at home with the kids.

She stated, “I think one of the reasons why women who stay at home can receive backlash from women who work is they have never been a stay-at-home mom, [and] may not understand a woman's desire to be a stay-at-home mom. They may not see that as actually being work in itself. They may [also] be resentful of the stay-at-home mom having the opportunity to stay at home, or maybe feel guilty. They may think, 'Well, maybe I am suppose to want to be a stay-at-home mom,' but maybe that is not how they feel.”

Fox explained that “it has to be a mutual decision and the dialogue has to remain open. A woman may love being home for the first few months and then be miserable, or she may love it so much she never goes back to work.”

While she did enjoy her time raising her kids, after many years, Fox said she started to forget who she was, besides a mom.

“I started to resent being a stay-at-home mom after a while," she said. "I wanted to go to school. I wanted to spend at least some time with adults." She added, however, that “[people] can have either or both and be happy.” 

Current housewife, Larinda Stensatter, took a much less traditional approach. She worked an office job until she had her son. She worked from home until he went to school, and then she went back to her job outside of the home. However, now her child is grown and she is 100 percent committed to being a wife.

“I feel like being a stay-at-home wife is a privilege," Stensatter commented. "I have been a working woman my whole life so it is something I don't take for granted. I don't get a lot of backlash from friends, only comments of how lucky I am. I am fortunate enough to have a great husband who gives me that option, but he would also support me if I ever chose to be out in the workforce again.” 

What exactly do housewives and stay-at-home moms do?

Well, my days always started with the previous night's dinner dishes. Then I swept the entire house, dusted, cleaned the bathrooms, straightened up the living room, made the beds, did at least one load of laundry every single day. I paid the bills, ran all the errands, and made sure dinner was ready by 6 p.m. I rarely had any downtime, and if I did, I usually washed the trucks or cleaned the blinds or ceiling fans--something that didn't get done very often. My days were full and much more exhausting than having a job outside of the home and going to school as well. So, why is this "position" not considered work when it definitely feels like work?

Some economists still argue today that having one spouse working outside of the home while the other works inside of the home is the most efficient and economical family structure. While the homemaker is financially dependent on the employed spouse, that spouse and other family members benefit greatly from the work that is provided inside the home.

With that being said, I would love to hear your thoughts on the subjects discussed. What do you think about the stay-at-home mom profession? If you don't think it's a job, why?

Also, next week's topic will be based on broken homes, single parent homes, and the statistics as it relates to the growing number of juvenile crimes and poverty.

Please e-mail [email protected] for questions, comments or suggestions.