ASU Students Grapple Over Gender-Neutral Pronouns

A series of rectangular flags filled with shades ranging from pastel to primary covered a large piece of poster board resting upon an easel at Angelo State University last week. Droves of students—some wearing equally colorful buttons, while others markered vibrant slogans onto T-shirts—shuffled around the University Center to the background of loud, upbeat music interrupted occasionally by guest speakers and agenda setters.

At a long table near the speaker-on-a-stick setup supplying the sound, Alexandra Lozano sat working on her own T-shirt advocating pride in pan-sexuality. Like many of those present at the university’s third annual Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Ally (LGBT+) celebration, Lozano doesn’t subscribe to the idea that only a man and a woman can fall in love and have an emotional and intimate relationship. As a pan-sexual, she explained, she can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender, including transgender and gender-fluid individuals.

“The saying is ‘hearts but not parts,’” Lozano explained. “I am not attracted to people; I don’t find anyone really physically attractive. It’s one of the gray areas in between. It’s similar to bi-sexuality, except bi-sexuality is usually binary, as in male or female. They will like both. Well, I can fall in love with someone who is transgender; I can fall in love with someone who identifies as gender-fluid: someone who changes every other day. I can fall in love with anybody.”

Lozano identifies herself as female, but noted that with so many different sexuality types—asexual, demi-sexual, gender-queer, etc.—not all people feel comfortable checking one of two gender boxes.

[[{"fid":"16007","view_mode":"default","type":"media","attributes":{"alt":"The LGBT Resource Center at the University of Wisconsin created this card to help people use gender-neutral pronouns properly. ","title":"The LGBT Resource Center at the University of Wisconsin created this card to help people use gender-neutral pronouns properly. ","height":"431","width":"753","class":"media-element file-default imgbody"}}]]
Above: The LGBT Resource Center at the University of Wisconsin created this card to help people use gender-neutral pronouns properly.

Recently, several universities across the nation have encouraged the use of “gender-neutral” or “non-binary” pronouns for students who may not identify with “he” or “she”. The advocacy for those alternatives has been largely pushed by student groups and accepted by faculty, and some of the organizations have gone as far as making declination charts for the various alternatives, such as “ve,” “per” or “ze”. Lozano said she hasn’t heard any talk of integrating such alternatives at the Angelo State University campus, but thinks that such an initiative would be welcomed and well received.

“It would be really nice. I know a lot of people who specifically don’t identify themselves as ‘he’ or ‘she,’ they prefer ‘they’ or the other gender-neutral terms,” she said. “A lot of people are actually really touched when I ask them what pronoun they would like, because they’re like, ‘no one’s ever asked me that before’. They’re really glad that you’re taking an interest into it. Nobody’s ever been offended by it or anything. I usually just ask.”

Another female present at the celebration, Andrea Jones, noted that the university has actually seen one student so far this year that specifically asked to change his pronouns because he is transgender. Ultimately, the university opted to comply with the student’s request, which may have been the push the campus needed to begin considering offering alternatives, Jones said.

“You always have to state your gender everywhere you go, on, like, applications and different things, so it kind of comes normal,” she said in response to a question on whether it was awkward to be asked for her gender at the beginning of a face-to-face interview. “But I can understand how someone who does not have definite female-male [pronouns] would be uncomfortable doing that. I think that they should have an ‘other’ category that these people could check so they don’t feel left out.”

But how inclusive are alt pronouns? Considering that some universities have suggested gender-neutral terms for transgender students, locally, students question whether assigning “ze” to someone who has undergone the surgical transition from male to female—or vice-versa—is really about acceptance as opposed to highlighting a difference.

“I think if you use, like, ‘ze’ and ‘ve’ that kind of excludes them and makes them feel not like a person, instead of just using a typical pronoun,” said Jacob, a gay male student who came out last year, “but you’ve got to find out which pronoun they want to go by.”

Jacob underscored the importance of personal preference in the pronoun debate, noting that the emphasis should be on what makes each individual feel comfortable rather than ascribing or offering alternatives only to those of specific sexual preference groups, such as transgender.

“It just depends on the typical person,” he said. “Like, if they feel uncomfortable, you address them how they want to be addressed, but I don’t think it really matters so much in that sense unless that person does not like to be called ‘he’ or ‘she.’”

Male writer and Visual and Performing Arts Office Coordinator David Shadrick said he hadn’t given the matter much thought, but agreed with Jacob in that it should be left up to the individual. As a youth minister for the Unity of San Angelo church Shadrick preaches acceptance, although the acceptance of atypical sexual preferences has never really been a pillar of thought for the Christian church.

“We performed gay marriages before they were legal. The first gay couple in San Angelo to get married legally, we married them, I think, two years before. I guess you would call us the ‘Christian Left,’” Shadrick explained. “We believe there is one god, but many paths to him.”

Shadrick said that while the Unity of San Angelo church is based on the Christian Bible, it is also widely attended by Hindus and Buddhists, and the congregation frequently engages in spiritual readings and periods of meditation. Not only that, but the faculty is still performing same-sex and traditional marriages at a time when officiators are running thin.

Given his belief system and his experience as an author, Shadrick said his focus on gender attribution has heretofore been defined by individual circumstances, which will continue to be the case regardless of the number of pronouns he has to choose from.

“My gender is based upon the character in the story, so if I had a transgendered person who was male to female, I would refer to them in the story as ‘her,’” he said. “If they’re gay or lesbian, it’s going to be gender appropriate. I hadn’t thought about it, but every time you try to be inclusionary, you can end up being exclusionary as well. It’s like anything else. It’s got to be specific to the person in the situation.”

Regardless of the pronoun preference an individual has, several of those present emphasized that coming out is not easy, but stated that “it’s always going to get better.” Jacob, who came out just last year and whose parents do not approve, strongly suggested that anyone having difficulty being accepted after coming out as openly gay contact the Trevor Project to talk and work through their problems.

“Suicide is not an answer, either, and the Trevor Project is a great hotline to call,” Jacob said. “I did have to call them and I do recommend them. It really did change my life and made me realize that suicide is not the answer and to just keep pushing forward. I’ve come a very long way that I don’t care what people think. I just want everyone to know that it does get better.”