Judge Lane Carter's Mom

Meanwhile, back in the real world, we humble residents of Tom Green County have been playing a never-ending game of "Guess How Much They’ll Take This Year" for as long as we’ve been eating overpriced combo meals at Wendy’s. Seriously, $12 for a combo? For that price, I’d expect Dave Thomas himself to deliver it! But alas, while we’re splurging on our fancy burgers, property taxes are creeping up like that one relative who always asks for money but swears they’ll pay it back this time.

And now, in a plot twist no one saw coming, the moms of politicians have joined the ranks of those trying to convince us that less is more. Yes, folks, we’ve entered the "My Son Is Innocent, I Swear" phase of tax hikes. What’s next, are we going to get a sternly worded letter from Judge Carter’s grandma?

But let’s get serious for a moment (I promise it’ll be quick). Property valuations in our lovely county are up by $500 million. That’s an extra $2.35 million in property tax revenue—cha-ching! But don’t worry, when you divide it among the 120,000 residents, it’s only $19.58 more per person. That’s like, what, two Starbucks lattes? Not even the fancy ones. But hey, those lattes add up, and before you know it, that $19.58 per year turns into real money.

Assuming there are around 55,000 residential addresses in the county, the Judge Carter tax hike costs each homeowner $50. When you add on annual city tax hikes, you’re paying $100 or more per year. In 10 years, that’s $1,000 more per year—not including the thousands more you’ll pay because your property valuation is hiked along the way, too!

But wait, there’s more! For just an additional tax hike per year, you too can help fund a 5% raise for every county employee. That’s right, folks, your hard-earned dollars are going to make sure county employees—and by extension, the politicians who gave them the raise—are living their best lives. County employees and their families are a huge voting bloc, about 10% of the average turnout for county elections. That’s because most of you don’t vote. Especially those convinced by Judge Carter’s mom that their tax burden is no biggie.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get better, the cherry on top is that Judge Lane Carter and his crew are voting to give themselves a 5% raise on Tuesday, Aug. 12. Now that’s what I call self-care!

So the next time you’re grumbling about your taxes while posting a Facebook rant, remember: somewhere out there, Judge Carter’s mom is beaming with pride as her son heroically raises your taxes to save the day while gaslighting you into believing you’re paying no more in taxes than the year before. And if anyone questions the hidden tax hike, just blame Brenda. Everyone else does. Even probably Judge Carter’s mom.

And there you have it—a system perfectly rigged against the taxpayer, where government growth is as unstoppable as a district judge’s nap schedule.

Speaking of the district judges... Don’t bother asking why we need an expensive fifth court with a magistrate, because the answer might just be that the district judges need more time to plan their next vacation. Judge Carter won’t ask where because they might throw him in jail, and not even Judge Lane Carter’s mom can save him from that!

You see, the county auditor reports directly to the district judges. If the county judge made those powerful judges angry with a reduced budget, they’d sic the auditor on the helpless county judge. This is another reason the system is rigged against the taxpayer!

The point isn't to shame the leisurely life of a state district judge, but to give an example of how cutting departments and looking for large efficiencies in even local government are ignored while automatic increases to expenses and accompanying taxes are minimized with gaslighting by politicians and their moms.

Now, don’t say I didn’t warn you. And if you see Judge Carter’s mom, tell her she did a great job explaining how all this works—because somebody had to, right?