MINTONE, TX – Drivers across Texas and Law Enforcement personnel as well are grappling with a potentially deadly shortage of blinker fluid which could have worldwide ramifications. The intrepid team of reporters at San Angelo LIVE! have scoured social media and conducted dozens of interviews with blinker industry experts and politicians to get to the bottom of the scare.
We were made aware of the situation through social media complaints especially through videos on TikTok, Snaps on Snapchat and threads on Twitter about no one in San Angelo using their turn signals. Driving Loop 306, Sherwood Way, Chadbourne St. out toward the Base, and Knickerbocker Rd. out toward the lake proved something was seriously wrong.
It appears most vehicles were equipped with turn signals but almost no drivers were using the blinkers to signal a turn.
San Angelo LIVE! hit the highways and backroads searching for the answer to just one question; Why is there a blinker fluid shortage and can we turn that into clicks?
The following information was gathered in haste from dubious sources in an attempt to understand how a state as big as Texas can suddenly and without warning be completely out of blinker fluid and does it even matter. We probably won't even attempt to answer those riveting questions.
What Are Blinkers for Anyway?
Good question. It appears all motor vehicles after the Jurassic Period have been equipped with turn signals which include lights capable of flashing on and off on each of the four corners of the vehicle.
Apparently, drivers can indicate their intention to turn a certain direction to other drivers by activating some sort of lever inside the cockpit. Other drivers are supposed to see the blinking lights on a vehicle and understand that the driver of that vehicle wants to turn a certain way.
Back in the horse and buggy days all an operator had to do was shift the reins either left or right and a horse or team of horses would instinctively understand it was time to turn that direction. Other horsemen & horsewomen and buggy operators could see the other party was turning and act accordingly. No need for pesky blinkers or blinker fluid. And no confusion, so no crashes.
Fast forward to space travel. In "Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope" (1977) Who can forget Luke Skywalker's riveting line while they were attempting to escape Tatoine on the Millennium Falcon: "...What's That Flashing?!?!"
And in 'Star Trek' The original series (1968) the bridge controls were covered in flashing lights. You must have to be really smart in the future to tell what all those Blinky things mean! But I digress.
In the early days of the automobile, there was a 'turn signal switch,' which had one function; to activate blinkers on either the left or right side of the vehicle. Automobiles have evolved and now, the turn signal switch includes the wiper/washers, hazard lights, even cruise controls on some models and the dimmer switch. No wonder it is so hard to find for some drivers.
What is Blinker Fluid Made of?
While the actual history of how blinker fluid came about is unclear, we have some ideas. In Herman Melville's seminal novel, 'Moby Dick' there is no mention of blinker fluid, but whale oil is used for lighting lamps and illuminating paths.
Apparently, sailors know the difference between port and starboard, which is right and left for ships at sea. If they had blinkers, there'd be no need to have to learn which side is port and which is starboard and which end is the stern.
Anyway, killing whales for blinker fluid turned out to be a bad idea so some resourceful scientist figured out that there was a thick, viscous liquid underground and it probably came from dinosaurs in the Permian period, and all the dinosaurs were already dead so you wouldn't have to kill them for blinker fluid. Or something like that.
See exclusive video below obtained by San Angelo LIVE! of an actual functioning blinker.
Warning! Video may be too intense for some sensitive drivers..
Who Controls the Spice?
"He who controls the spice controls the universe." Frank Herbert, Dune
Rumor has it that there is plenty of Blinker Fluid in the Permian Basin but for some reason, it causes earthquakes to extract it and West Texans don't like that kind of shaking so they quit drilling.
We spoke to a roughneck on a rig outside Mintone recently. The rig was running and it was so loud you could barely hear. His answer was very telling when we asked about Blinker Fluid, "What???" he shouted back. Clearly not telling us all he knew.
Now we're getting somewhere.
Turns out there's plenty of Blinker Fluid underground in the Middle East. So we made a few phone calls, talked to some people, read some stuff on the internet, and finally found a guy in Afghanistan who agreed to speak to us.
Our source only agreed to speak to us if we hid his identity completely and he would remain anonymous. We reluctantly agreed.
We asked our source about Blinker Fluid. He said, " مرگ بر آمریکا (Death to America)!" then something like "الموت لأمريكا!" So now we know why there is a Blinker Fluid shortage. There it is right there.
So we moved on the the next logical source; Russia. Rumors have been circulating for years that there has been a stockpile of unused Blinker Fluid in former Soviet block countries since the end of the Cold War.
We reached out to our Communist counterpart in Moscow. No answer. So, we assume that the Kremlin has a standard line about Blinker Fluid for the west: "Смерть Америке!"
An anonymous source, close to the Blinker Fluid industry in Russia, said this when we asked about Blinker Fluid, "нет жидкости для поворотников для техаса!" Again, clear as a bell. There's the answer we'd been searching for. It's so obvious.
Is There a Resolution?
Finally our investigative reporters had all they could stand. They decided to take action. They finally put down their Starbucks Lattes, pushed their chairs away from their desks, and walked outside the newsroom.
From the hallway you can see the outside world through a plate glass window.
Finally, after weeks of internet exploration, it finally hit me; go outside and talk to a real person in the automotive supply industry!
Eureka! The clouds parted, the sun came out. I had a plan. I'd go talk to a retail automotive parts counter guy.
Parts guys know everything, right?
I returned to my desk, googled the number and made the call. No answer. It's Christmas Day. Or they were just busy.
Anyway, being a former parts guy, here's what I think one might say. "Yea, we got some. It's back there by the widgets and skyhooks."
Sure enough, they were out. The shelf was empty. Not even a place for it anymore.
What Do We Do Now?
Since the 1970s, the federal government has wrestled with what to do with supply chain issues like a shortage of Blinker Fluid. The solution? Conserve.
That's right; and many drivers appear to have taken that advise to heart. Most drivers don't use turn signals at all, thereby conserving Blinker Fluid regularly. In fact, observing San Angelo drivers, it appears most don't use blinkers at all.
And those who do use them very sparingly. Most wait until they are well into a turn before they turn on the blinker. Others go even farther just indicating with a finger on the steering wheel or nodding with their head to other drivers their intention to turn.
Drivers are very careful not to use blinkers on the Loop to signal a lane change, that would use way to much Blinker Fluid because you are traveling so fast. And why use a blinker when you are entering the Loop at 35 mph everyone can plainly see you are getting up on the Loop, there's no need to waste Blinker Fluid in those situations.
So what do we do now? Where do we turn? Who has all the answers?
The Federal Government Has the Final Solution
Of Course. Ask the Federal Government. That's the real answer to everything.
While our internet search of federal government answers was surprisingly short, it appears the Feds haven't officially addressed the Blinker Fluid Shortage at all. You know what that means...it's a conspiracy.
We went to Washington to a parking garage somewhere near 18th St., the actual location has to remain undisclosed. Our source agreed to speak to us anonymously. In a trench coat. In a dark parking garage. When we asked about Blinker Fluid, he/she said in a deep voice, "Are you stupid or something?" Money well spent. We got what we were looking for.
Obviously the Feds know something we don't.
Why didn't NASA put blinkers on the moon rover in the 1970s?
There's your answer.
The same government that won't tell us about Blinker Fluid also says aliens aren't real.
To be continued....
Blinkers in Heavy Traffic (Courtesy/Philadelphia Magazine)
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