Women's Wednesday: Broken Homes and the Effects of Divorce

Welcome back to Women's Wednesday. Let's do a recap of last week:

Last week's topic was why the work of housewives and stay-at-home mom's is often discredited. Three ladies from completely different backgrounds told a little bit of their stories, and we discussed what exactly housewives and stay-at-home moms do all day.

I received some comments in my e-mail that I would like to share and address on this topic.

“When I look at stay-at-home moms, I look at them like that is their profession. That being said I often judge the results they produce. One thing I often judge is the cleanliness of their homes. The individual homes that I am personally acquainted with are filthy, and let me say that I don't go into someone's home thinking it's going to be magazine shoot clean. Everyone's homes have mess within reason. The persons I speak of are the ones [who] complain about [how] hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom and no one understands the struggle....then I see their homes and think 'If you're not working a job, what do you do all day?' My husband and I both work full-time and our home is much cleaner than theirs(we do not outsource housework). If between us working 90 hours a week can keep our home cleaner than someone that stays at home all week every day then what is it that they do?” 

“You're right in saying that being a stay-at-home parent is a privilege. I think that is the biggest issue. Women who choose to take that road often take it for granted. They believe the term stay-at-home mom is above judgment and reproach. The state of your home and family is your result; it is what you produce. We with jobs are judged by the companies we work for by the results we produce. That is how we continue to be worthy of payment and employment. I think that for the movement, stay-at-home moms need to be paragons of their position. They need to lead by example. I just feel that many of these women live in these bubbles outside of the real world. Hence, why many of us roll our eyes at their complaints.”

“Let's be honest, when you do not contribute an income into the household, you get very little decision making rights. Thus, the economic mobility of the stay-at-home parent is zero. In a crisis situation(financial, relationship, health), the stay-at-home mom will always have to concede to the breadwinner. They do not have any options.”

So, for the readers, particularly the stay-at-home moms, what do you think of these comments? Is your home always dirty? Do you feel that you should be judged because of it? Do you feel that you forfeited all of your decision-making rights when you chose to stay home and raise your children?

I look forward to more comments on this debate.

Now, for today's topic: broken homes, the effects of divorce on children, and if this contributes to higher rates of juvenile crime, poverty, and other struggles.

Studies show that from the 1950s to present, married couple families dropped from two-thirds of all households to less than half of all households, about 45 percent. In today's world, it is common for people to marry, divorce, remarry, or maybe never get married at all. What effects does this have on the children who were a product of that first marriage, or the relationship that just didn't work out?

According to recent studies, more than 3 in 10 children grow up in broken homes. Here are the statistics:

• 70% of those in juvenile detention
• 57% of all prison inmates
• 63% of teen suicides
• 71% of teen pregnancies
• 90% of homeless juveniles and runaways
• 71% of high school dropouts
• 75% of all drug users
• 85% of children with behavioral disorders

One such child, Allison Gilley, 20, of San Angelo, fell victim to some of these statistics of children who grow up in broken homes, and was kind enough to share her story. She was only 7 when her parents separated. 

“I am a recovering drug addict," she explained. "I have attempted suicide and self-harmed from ages 12 to 18. I have been to a juvenile detention center. I was facing prison time not too long ago, but I was offered probation because this was my first offense. I have quite a few behavioral disorders, including manic depression and anxiety; and I was also homeless a little over a year ago. Coming from a broken home does take a toll on everyone involved. It took me years to realize that it was a blessing instead of a curse, and some people may never realize it.”

Allison explained that her parents fought quite often and that she and her brother were constantly trying to keep them from fighting, making the household a stressful environment for everyone. When their parents' divorce was finalized, Allison and her brother went back and forth between homes throughout the week.

“We went through a rough patch, but the divorce has taught me and my brother, and even my parents, a lot of important lessons. So, in my opinion, it was a good thing they got divorced, for all of us,” Allison stated.

While Allison currently has a mature and level-headed opinion about her family's struggles, things were not always that easy for her.

“I've spent years being rebellious and doing whatever because I was angry with my parents," she said. "Sometimes, I didn't even know why I was angry with them. I can see where these numbers are coming from. I'm just lucky I was able to open my eyes and see that my parents were trying to do what's best for us, even though it wasn't easy.”

While Allison does believe that coming from a broken home did contribute to some of her behavior, she does not lay all of the blame on her upbringing.

“I feel like I would have gone through some struggles, but not as severe," she explained. "I also feel like I wouldn't be the person I am today without going through those struggles.”

The 20-year-old explained that she almost lost her life to drugs the day before Thanksgiving in 2014.

“It really opened my eyes,” Allison added. “I realized I didn't want to lose my life this young and it would be selfish of me to keep living the way I was.”

Allison also said she is about to become a mother for the first time. When asked how she hopes to protect her daughter from some of the issues she had, her response was, “One of my favorite phrases I've heard recently is 'Be the person you needed when you were younger.' What I needed was someone I could talk to without being judged, while still enforcing rules and boundaries.”

What do you think of Allison's story? How do you feel about the statistics of children of divorced parents? If you came from a broken home, how did it affect you? Or, if you are divorced, how is it affecting your children?

Any questions, comments, or suggestions can be e-mailed to [email protected].

Coming next week: The struggles of step-parenting.